Hence, if one is seeking said success and recognition in this most competitive vocation and especially here in the “Big Apple”, one must come equipped with the writing skills of Shakespeare, the acting talents of a Barrymore, and the directorial excellence of a Bob Fosse. Lacking any of the above, good, steady paying theater gigs, in this town, will be difficult to find.
Well, we say those second and third tier Broadway bound aspirants should save their money, time and energy for a better and far more profitable public option to Broadway theatre. We offer Washington, D.C. as a more attractive alternate venue to ply their second banana talents.
If one is willing to compromise their ethics, principles and moral obligations to their fellow man for money and power, then only the sky is the limit to the success they can attain in Washington. And let’s face it, many actors have been willing to stop at nothing to get the part they desire, so a simple change of venue could be just the ticket they need.
Many are so blinded by the bright lights of Broadway, they fail to appreciate the advantages of a theatrical career in Congress. They will get to act before a national/international audience daily and fly all over the world at the taxpayers’ expense, all the while throwing crumbs to their adoring fans (aka “constituents“).
For those who would doubt my premise, I ask you to review the staging of this week’s performance of Congress’ acting elite - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and minority speaker John Boehner. Washington’s Political Theater put on a spectacular show as the debate raged over the healthcare reform bill in the House of Representatives.
Prominently featured, at the close of this act, was Ms. Pelosi, stepping up to a bank of microphones with cameras at the ready, as she announced to throngs of reporters and supporters that the House’s Healthcare bill, replete with a Public Insurance Option, guaranteed coverage for most Americans. Of course, she was flanked by the usual blah, blah, blah and blather, blather, blather from the customary crowd of cheesing Cheshire cats, each taking an opportunity to overstate the already overstated.
Knowing fully that what she and her fellow Democrat Congressional cast members had promised was a far cry from the end product produced late Saturday night, Ms. Pelosi flashed her polished dentures with confidence and convincingly told her audience she had delivered what America really needed.
This sterling performance was delivered by the same staunch supporter of a women’s right to choose who signed off on a bill that would deny poor women access to an abortion on any government backed plan. Apparently, Nancy’s years of hamming for the cameras allowed her to harness her acting skills such that she could use them with the efficiency of a battery powered strap-on to screw women like a man. (Okay, so they’ll only appreciate that one in San Francisco.)
Not to be outdone, the Republican’s John “limp boner” Boehner appeared on cue, hitting his marks like a seasoned pro, starring in his own press conference. With his perfectly coiffed hair and Hollywood tan, he predictably denounced his Democrat rival’s success with the usual dog-eared script of tax and spend and big government takeover of healthcare. Unfortunately, Mr. Boehner was clearly the lesser of the two performers. Having been saddled with little more than the usual Republican key word laced presentations, he smartly took advantage of the Washington prop department, hoisting the 1,990 plus paged healthcare bill to aid in his all too transparent and disingenuous rant.
Yes, Pelosi and Boehner have seemingly reached the pinnacle of acting prowess that will go down in the annals of great performances given beyond Manhattan. However, neither could have achieved such greatness without the support of the other 533 Congressional cast members. This Washington production company has unbelievably demonstrated, for decades, that they are capable of rivaling anything Broadway, or even Hollywood, can produce by way of deception.
Much to our surprise and dismay, even Barack Obama made a cameo appearance, playing the role of the eleventh hour Commander-in- Cheer. Knute Rockne would have been proud watching the president come to Capital Hill for a pep talk to the Congressional cast before sending them on stage to give the performances of their lives.
Unfortunately for the American people, a major subplot of this continuing saga is that none of the characters will understand, or even acknowledge, that the public is demanding punitive damages for the waste, fraud, abuse and corruption of the healthcare industrial complex, aided by Congress.
Since the scripting of this episode will ignore the obvious way of delivering those justly deserved punitive damages in the form of a Single Payer System or a robust Public Insurance Option, this drama is being slickly written to show all players winning. The Democrats can boast to their base of their landmark accomplishment, while the Republicans can bitch to their base in preparation for the opening of Washington’s 2010 theater season. And the public is left with the usual cliffhanger ending. In the meantime, the House players can fade behind the curtain while the Senate takes center stage.
To the writer/director’s credit (whomever they are), President Obama is using his God given powers of persuasion to play his role of pragmatist to the hilt. His presence was held off stage for the duration of the town hall fight scenes, so his character could cleverly preserve its image of the cool, new style politician, keeping his promises and getting things done. Whether you are on the Right, the Left or straight down the middle politically in this country, you must admit, the Washington D.C. House Players put on one hell of a show.
But, before the fresh faces of tomorrow’s breed of greed go rushing off to our nation’s capital for their shot at unbridled wealth and ego feeding attention, they must pay their dues at the local level.
Local political venues, such as city councils and or state legislatures, would be comparable to community and dinner theatre or perhaps off Broadway. Here they must hone their skills at shaking the shaky hands of seniors while easing contributions from their wallets with a smile. They must be willing to kiss ugly babies without wincing, as well as developing a taste for cutting the throat of anyone with guts enough to challenge them.
When these very important skills are adequately developed and consistently demonstrated, while being enhanced and nurtured by equally unscrupulous campaign managers, teams of political advisors and assorted flunkies, then they should be well on their way to landing a choice role and selfishly-fulfilling career as a Unites States public servant.
With all that Washington D.C. has to offer, we invite anyone with an insatiable desire to perform or even just a particular penchant for lying to consider this great public option. But don’t be surprised if the current stable of Washington D.C. actors try to discourage you as they will undoubtedly fear the competition.
Lastly, for those who think this season was really thrilling and entertaining, just wait for the show they have planned for 2010. We have been tipped off that Congress finally gets around to Wall Street financial reform and consumer protection legislation. Wow, we can’t wait to see how they pull that off.





















